What is it about speaking to a pregnant lady that gets people all tongue tied and flustered? Is it my mammoth boobs that are distracting you? Are you afraid that I will bowl you over with my ginormous swollen belly? Are you intimidated that I’m producing millions of new cells every second and you aren’t (nah-nah-nee-boo-boo!)? Ok, I know most people mean well and are just trying to make conversation, but you hear some seriously ignorant things coming out of people’s mouths while you are pregnant. Here’s a run down of 5 thing no pregnant woman EVER wants to hear about.
1. “Get your sleep while you can.”
This one always cracks me up. Umm…OK. So I can now BANK my sleep hours and make a sleep withdrawal for later? Damn. I could have really used that for my college all nighters (and a few late night parties that segued into early morning work episodes)! It makes NO difference whether you sleep now because you will get NO sleep later. And your body somehow adjusts. You just make it through. You turn into Superwoman. You go into overdrive. You get by. And for all those sleepless nights there are a thousand wonderful, special moments that you share with that little guy/girl at 3:00 a.m. that you will remember and cherish.
2. “You’re SO big/tiny!”
NO pregnant woman wants a comment on their pregnancy weight…EVER. I recently had a family member tell me, “You don’t look like you’ve gained too much weight.” Really? WTF? I’m actually right on track to gain the same amount I did with Little Z which is right at the recommended weight gain. And so what if I gain a lot more!?! So long as mom and baby are healthy and happy the only words that should be coming out of your mouth are, “You look amazing/gorgeous/beautiful!” Period.
3. Your labor story.
Another, no, no, no, no, no, no, no…do NOT want to hear it…la, la, la, la, la. *fingers inserted into ears* I don’t want to hear about how difficult or easy your labor was because it has zero relevance to how this labor will go. Every labor is completely different. I don’t want details on the crunching and popping sounds you heard while receiving your epidural. I don’t want to hear about the mirror you used to watch the baby’s head crown. I don’t want to hear how you sneezed and your baby was miraculously here with little to no effort and you went shopping at Target the next day. Unless I specifically ask you about it, please don’t offer it.
4. Unsolicited “advice”
Again, IF I DON’T ASK YOU ABOUT IT, PLEASE DON’T OFFER IT. I don’t want to hear how 30 years ago you let little Johnny sleep on his stomach and chew on a wooden clothespin for a teether and he’s fine and I should do the same. I have received so much “advice” (mostly again from well-meaning folks) about sleep schedules, where my baby should sleep, what kind of diapers I should be using, whether I should cover or uncover that baby, what I should be feeding my baby, tricks to get my baby to eat better, etc. etc. ad nauseam, ad nauseam. Please let me find my own way. And that’s precisely what it is, my way. It works for my family and we’re all healthy and happy.
5. “Your life is totally going to change.”
For this one I’m referring to the “Your life is going to change.” comment accompanied by a grimace face and head tilt. You know the one I’m talking about. The “Aww…bless your heart!” face. This is usually followed up immediately with the “Get your sleep while you can.” comment or the “Enjoy your freedom while you can.” comment. And they may even go into it further moaning about how hard life is with children. I will agree with this. Yes. It’s hard…VERY hard. Lock yourself in the closet, while curled up in a rocking fetal position hard sometimes. But no new mom wants to hear that. She wants to bask in the glow of her pregnancy and the anticipation of new baby smell, and tiny baby feet and baby cuddles. LET HER! Yes, it’s hard, but OH WOW it’s so amazing. For every hard moment, there are a million heavenly moments where you feel like you may burst with love for this little guy/girl. I would not trade my old life before Little Z for anything in the world. I am so, so very blessed and I LOVE how my life has changed.